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CONFESS
Jail

SG (2014)
Rating: 5.5/10

I so want to be convinced by this runaway train known as Scandinavian sleaze / glam metal. It’s been rollin’ on for more than a decade now in its sordid attempts at bringing 80s LA-styled cock rock back to the masses. Sadly, having not succumbed to the sickly, over-glossy mess that is Crashdïet and the likes, Confess are most likely another bunch of tattooed love boys formed to grate on my ears. But hey, I’ll give it a go.

And so, this spiky quintet comes striding out of the gutter all dressed up in leather as if we’ve never seen its like before. After the intro, ‘Pray For The Prey’, we’re thrown up the wall by the whisky-swigging shake of ‘Relationshit’, the sort of pop-tinged piece of sleaze metal I would have literally drooled over if this had come out in 1986… but not this time.

While the vocals of John Elliot are more than acceptable – boasting Sebastian Bach-styled steel – the music flits by as a throwback to those halcyon days, but it just lacks the heart and the punch to make any mark on this reviewer’s skin.

Lacking anthems and grit, this 13-track opus (which comes complete with an atrocious cover of Tina Turner’s ‘What’s Love Got To Do With It’) only seems to get off the ground with the monstrous grooves of ‘Cardiac Arrest’ where the band transform into Skid Row circa the muscle of Slave To The Grind (1991), but these guys need to make their mind up as to what style to adopt.

For instance, guitarists Blomman and Denver seem more at ease with the juggernaut express of, say, ‘Scream’, which actually does well to combine that 80s hair metal feel with a more rollicking rattle. And ‘Pay Before I Go’ is also acceptable as a riotous affair. However, as a subtle animal Confess just don’t live up to expectations. ‘Take Aim’ is rather flaky, ‘Setting Sails’ poorly executed with the pop-tinged cheese, and ‘Got Lucky’ seems to opt for more traditional metal sway – but all three seem to exude a level of naïvety.

It could be argued that Confess are actually masters at drifting between styles, but I much prefer them as a more rampant force as exhibited on the aforementioned ‘Cardiac Arrest’ or, say, the more straightforward ‘Get Me Down’. But however much I try, I just cannot convince myself that these young upstarts are the real thing.

As the new wave of sleaze metal approaches its 15th year of existence, I’m left cynical and sceptical time after time as if these ugly ducklings are being plucked from the clubs and styled as the next big thing when the reality is they are just one among the generic hordes that lack that bit of quality to become noticeable. These guys are clearly talented musicians, but it is sleaze rock by numbers, although no doubt those who are new to this scene will find much savour here amongst the chunks of the imitative.

Bands like Confess existed in their droves back in the mid-to-late 80s and a majority of them faded away, despite boasting better songs than these modern archetypes. I must confess that I’m just not a fan of the mediocre!

Neil Arnold

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