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CROM
The Era Of Darkness

From The Vaults (2023)
Rating: 5/10

Since the late 90s this Bavarian bunch of stud muffins has been relaying their rather mechanical power metal, and I consider it quite the task reviewing stuff like this. A world away from the fiery power metal of the 80s, Crom’s style of steel is very much cold, clinical and something akin to the latest heavy metal entry into the Eurovision song contest such is its layering of cheese, but it seems the kids really go for this stuff.

Crom’s latest full-length opus, the fourth from the Germans, is another soundtrack to raucous inns and sweaty Euro festivals where this sort of bombastic hobbit metal is popular. I see glistening fens occupied by dwarves and goblins, while the nearby stream trickles in the noonday sun as another galloping Crom riff majestically strides across the lush pastures like some gang of sprites.

It is sword n’ sorcery balderdash dressed in rather glossy attire and harping on about all manner of hopeful escapades, with equally contentious and cheese-ridden titles as ‘Together We Ride’, ‘Heart Of The Lion’, ‘Riding Into The Sun’ and ‘The Last Unicorn’, all of which get me reaching for the old fantasy books of yellowing pages and those citadel miniatures that could do with a re-paint… and yet I’m so cynical of the magic herein.

Opener ‘Into The Glory Land’ sure does sizzle with its axe work, but once these stallions of steel begin to bound so joyously across the orchards and hills I’m turned off, more so by the beefy vocals of lead man Walter “Crom” Grosse who acts as some commanding yet unconvincing wizard desperate for us to re-join the role-playing club he formed in the early-90s, but which many of us left a few years later when grunge hit.

This is steady enough heavy metal that unravels like a tapestry of golden tales and at times those stories drip with atmosphere – just check out the synth-laden throb on the title track – but it’s stuff we’ve heard many times before whereby we are drawn into the enchanting and mystical levels only to realise we grew out of this stuff decades ago. However, such is the draw for this sort of metal that Crom and bands alike will continue to punish us with such turgid plods as ‘When Will The Wounds Ever Heal’ and the acoustically caressed ‘A New Star’.

Anyone who takes this sort of metal seriously needs to question the replica sword they still carry because this is essentially cheese metal of the highest dungeons n’ dragons order.

Neil Arnold

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